Reflections of Thoma
by rebelyell59
Summary: Thoma is sitting at his desk, reflecting on his life today and his past, along with his feelings for Mika and Eiri. Some mild language is used. ONE SHOT ONLY!


**Reflections of Thoma**

**by**

**rebelyell59**

**September 14, 2005**

**Summary:** Thoma is sitting at his desk reflecting on his past, Mika, Eiri,and other things. Sorry guys this one is short and a one shot only. Hope you enjoy it. There is mild swearing and may be some OOC.

Rating for now is M.

Thoma sat behind his desk at NG Studios and wondered how the hell things could get so screwed up. He thought back to a time when all he wanted to do was perform with Noriko and Ryuichi. Things had been simpler then, he had never been a very out going person, unless it was with Nori and Ryu, but he hadn't been the cold SOB he has become now." I can be such an ass" he thought "but when did it begin?"

Thoma began to think back to the time when he and the others just played their music in the small clubs, high schools,and anywhere else they could play. Without a lot of money, they had eaten a lot of peanut butter sandwiches, baked beans on toast, and any other cheap food stuffs they could get. But at that time it didn't matter, they were together, happy and carefree and didn't worry about anything but their music.

But now, he thought, I am in charge of several hundred people including bands, managers, producers, as well as studio personnel, back up singers and more. I just can't take time off and do something just to enjoy it, instead of having to worry about cost, how much the project will make, and other things like paychecks, money that has to be paid out and other things like that.

And then there's Mika. Mika, Eiri's sister. I sometimes wonder if I married her because of him or because I loved her. I know that I liked her when we got married and that I am fond of her now. But love--I'm not sure. I sometimes wonder if I should divorce her or let things stand as they are. As for Eiri--I'm not sure what I feel for him. Did I love him or did I feel guilty for what happened. know that I have/had some guilt for what happened to him in New York City. I was the one who hired Yuki Kitazawa to tutor him. I was the one who left him alone with that pedophile. Then after the rape and shooting I felt guilt for how it affected Eiri and how it changed him from the warm child I knew to the cold, non trusting person he became and is now.

Then there's Shuichi Shindou. What can you say about him, He can totally drive me insane with his crazy outbursts because Eiri did something or he is constantly late, and of course there are his crying binges. On the other hand, Shindou has such a innocence about him, the biggest thing you can think of is protecting him and cherishing him and wanting to keep those big violet eyes happy.

So as the sun set over the city, Thoma just thought over things in his mind and about his past. Now that Nittle Grasper was back together, you would think he would be happy--not this time. He had to worry about bookings, getting to the venus on time and everything else that came with the business side of it all now. So all he could do was enjoy the small amount of time he was on stage with Nori and Ryu, then it was back to business the rest of the time. There were times that he wished it was the old days when all he had to worry about was making music with the others instead of worrying about business 24/7.

As Thoma sat at his desk, he again wondered where it had all gone wrong. Could he have made different choices in his life-- maybe, would he change anything in his life--doubtful, he was just not the kind of person who did that. Once you make a choice in your life, you must stick by it. But on saying that, Thoma realized that he would not change anything--call it fate, or destiny, or anything else you wanted, but once you are on your path in life, you are on that path for a reason. So he would stay on that path and stop trying to change things he couldn't change.

Thoma then turned back to the papers on his desk and started working again.

**  
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**I would like to take this time to thank some special people. The following authors have given me support in my writing and gave me the confidence to keep going when I was ready to give up. Thanks to all of you for your friendship, support, and the belief not only that I could do it, but would do it. If your name is not below it is not because I think less of you, but because I can't name everyone or I would have a book.**

**To bewaardervanscadu: thank you for your support in both of my stories so far, also for letting me know what was good and what needed changing to make a story better.**** bows to her**

**To Akea: thank you for the honour of adding me to your favorites. It means a lot to me and I hope I never disappoint you. ****author sends hugs**

**To Hudini-- another who did me the honour of adding me to their favorites. Again, I hope I never disappoint you. author bows ****and sends hugs**

**To Spunk Element: a very special thank you goes out--you were the very first person to read my story and review it. You have continually supported my work and me and I hope to keep doing it for a long time.**

**To Amethyst Eyed Koneko--thank you for making me see I could be satisfied by making one person happy instead of worrying ****about making everyone happy. As I have said before, I hope I do so for a long time to come.**

**And last but not least--Yuki N Shuichi 4 Eva --thank you for being my support group, the person who brings me up on bad days ****just by sending a review telling me how she liked my story or telling me that maybe I should try this and see if the story ****wouldn't be better. Thank you also for the honour of being added to your favorites. That means a lot to me. author sends hugs, ****bows and smiles. **


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